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From April 1, 2005

EPA To Drop 'E' and 'P' From Name
(Beyond Pesticides, April 1, 2005) Days after unveiling new guidelines for assessing cancer risks that do more to protect the chemical industry’s pocketbook than public health, EPA Acting Administrator Stephen Johnson announced that the agency will remove the "E" and "P" from its name.

"We're not really 'environmental' anymore, and we certainly aren't 'protecting' anything," Mr. Johnson said. "'The Agency' is a name that reflects our current agenda and encapsulates our new function as a government-funded body devoted to handling documents, scheduling meetings, and fielding phone calls."

The change comes on the heels of the Department of Health and Human Services' January decision to shorten its name to the Department of Services.

Happy April Fool’s Day from Beyond Pesticides!

A slightly different version of this story was originally printed in the March 23, 2005 issue of The Onion.